Separation Man

Arguing with your partner is bad enough but like everything else there are different ways to resolve it. Usually the imagery one gets is two people shouting at each other not listening to each other. In the end it stops due to exhaustion or one person walking out. This would be the norm. Regardless, this post is not being written to discuss what argument is, but to focus on men while it is occuring.

Usually when there is an argument women fail time and time again one of the ultimate rules and that is that COMMUNICATION IS KEY. A woman will usually drag on the argument by distancing herself and the man and not talking for many days, therefore nothing gets resolved or established. In the end the man ends up begging and confessing his love for the woman in fear that he might lose her.

Something that can be resolved immediately and in ONE DAY or HOUR by sitting down and airing out what the problems are; which is what therapists and psychologist do, is extended due to anger. Even if anger subsides, it is usually the woman that still wants to continue the fight. This seems purposely done so that the man shows some form of outlandish display of an apology and affection.

In other words she wants the man to celebrate in some shape or form, her being right and him being wrong. Or for him to declare her as ‘winner’ of the fight or argument. Most men usually do this due to fear and being tired! Yet the problems have not been resolved, they linger or are suppressed. This is evident when a woman brings the topic back up again in another argument.

A man fails one of the ultimate rule during an argument or by the distance created by it and that is LESS IS MORE. A man throws caution to the wind and shows symptons of a bugaboo and a scared little boy. A woman needs a MAN and one of the greatest time to show MANHOOD is when she tries not talk to him. By staying cool, calm and collected and letting her have her distance, she quickly become aware that the STRATEGY isn’t working.

Then fear hits her and she is willing to communicate. Above all she knows that her vagina has no power towards such a man. Not having sex with the woman again is usually what the man is afraid of, especially if he evision someone else in his place.

The insinuation here is not that a man shouldn’t acknowledge his mistakes and wrongdoings. Or that he shouldn’t apologise, but that he needs to be careful what he projects and how he potrays himself during the trying times of separation. A SEPARATION IS NOT A BREAK UP! It actually allows a man and woman to think.

This is good because the man and woman assess for the first time what they did, where they went wrong, and how it can be handled better. Nevertheless communication can quickly resolve the issues without separation. If alone time is needed it can be done under the same roof. JUST DON’T BUG!

Men during separation end up automatically putting women so far up a pedestal, that she either keeps playing along or eventually end the relationship. Either way she usually loses respect for her man. The man goes all out to buy gifts upon gifts to get her back. This is no different to a man (a trick) spending a lot of money to get or keep a woman. The only difference is that in this case the man is trying to get her back or to get her to see reason. The same method makes the man lose respect everytime. TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING IS BAD!

EVERYTHING MUST BE DONE IN MODERATION! Phonecalls, letters, texts, emailing, facebooking, going over her place (if at all), speaking to her friends, EVERYTHING. A woman must see that she is not the air the man breathes but that she BECOMES such gestures by how the relationship is. A RELATIONSHIP TAKES TWO. Separation or trying to get her back is not a license or a right to get overly emotional, worship or lavish the woman with gifts. Yet women are not to blame; she didn’t ask for it, she simply EXPECTS it. Most women will start a fight just to get things from her man. This is not respect!

Guilt is also used to aid the undeserved lavishing. She could be very wrong in her argument yet still get gifts. It makes no sense! Most men are truly sex slaves and chained by the vagina.

Do note, a man SHOULD try to get his woman back and he should do so by using HIS MOUTHPIECE. He should try to get her back by using HIS WORDS. Separation or not, the fact that women RESPOND to what they hear doesn’t change. REASON can be instilled in her. Whether the title pimps, players, Macks, Hustlers, or thug is hated, they know that words have power. Men who get it are merely known by either of these titles. Even still, when using words, less is more. The aim is to let the woman know that she is still desired without making her gain an ego by begging or corny wordings. For example, saying:

“Please don’t do this, I will do anything if you come back.”

Is different from saying:

Take all the time you need. Get at me when you are ready to communicate. I am still here for you.

During arguments and separation men are under assessment. Depending on how a man behaves depends on how much she tests. DON’T LOSE RESPECT! It cannot be denied that arguments and separation can affect the emotions heavily. It can hurt deep but losing respect or being treated less than a man has a deep affect too.


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One Response to Separation Man

  1. Excellent post. Can’t say I personally relate to the way the female energy is presented, but I definitely do recognise it. I think one of our biggest issues is, we don’t see examples of proper viable solutions around us. We see and hear the arguments loud n clear. We also see make up sex, which of course fails to fix the underlying issue. After all, it wasn’t sex that caused the problem (we hope!), so how can it mend it?

    What I will say though, is that when arguing with a man, it is not a powerplay that will cause me to become silent, it is the fact that it takes two to argue and if the argument is entering unstable terrain eg; shouting, name calling, hands up in faces… well I’m not deaf and no way can I respond in kind to someone I profess to love. Rather than say something I know I will regret, I chose silent reflection and try to rationalise. How did we get here? How can we fix this without returning to that place where we forget that the bigger picture is, I love/care for this person? Indeed, when in that space I need time to think without being harassed into settling for throwing a band aid onto a gunshot wound. I’m not afraid to say sorry or admit I was wrong, but I’d rather we learn something about one another through it than spend a life time on the same merry-go-round.

    Returning to the issue of us lacking a reservoir of positive relationship models where we see how it is we can better RELATE; our plight is further hindered by movies like ‘Two Can Play That Game’ or worse, ‘Three Can Play That Game’. The important thing is that as and when we do figure it out, we need to instill those tried and tested solution building skills to our peers and more importantly, our children. Respectful and rational communication is key. Again the foundation of this is leaving fear out of it.

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