Tactfulness is the ability to tell the truth without making it hurt or rude. It is the ability to convince and persuade someone by letting them think about it and not ‘forcing’ them to decide on anything. Being tactful achieves the same results as being forward or blunt.
The only difference is that tactfulness softens the whole truth process. The fact of the matter is the truth does hurt, thats why people tell too much lies to cover it up. How you handle the truth determines whether it hurts or not. Some truths causes a person to be angry, frustrated, bitter, vengeful, sad, depressed, suicidual, hateful and hurt. The truth always has a reaction but how it is put forward determines the level of the reaction.
For example, a situation with no tact would go something like:
1) Your mum just died.
2) I cheated on you
3) Do you want to go to the movies?
4) Get off the phone
5) Who are you talking to at this hour
6) Don’t wear that dress, it’s too short,you’ll get a lot of attention.
With the above example, a person seems straigtforward and uncaring. With tact a person is straightforward with care and persuasion. With tactfulness it gives a person time to ‘prepare’ for any emotions that may arise.You will be able to handle the reactions better. Tactfulness gives a person time to conclude for themselves your view points and why you are saying what you are saying. It allows a person to assess what is being said. Nobody wants to be forced to do anything, they want to choose and make decisions for themselves. Tactfulness helps them decide.
For example, the above examples would sound better with tact, it goes something like:
1)There is something that I need to tell you, it’s about your mum [say the person’s name], she’s dead.She died of [say symptom or attack].
2)You and I connect, we connect but I have done something to violate that connection. I have being hurt and guilty to the point where I am in pain about what I did. I violated our connection by cheating on you. Sorry won’t fix it I know but forgive me to try.
3) Hey [say name] was going to watch [say film] should be fun, you should come with.
4) *whisper* “Hey [say name] can you get off the phone a minute, wanna talk to you about something, this will only take a minute. Alright so tell me how we are going to continue to grow in this relationship if you keep allowing people to interfere. Now I’m not saying you can’t talk, or communicate with anyone, i’m merely saying have your friend time and let’s have our time. Don’t let your friend time interfere with our ‘us time’ and we can have it all…Tell me any better ways and we’ll try it.
5)If I were communicating with a girl at this hour you would act and even come right out and say I was disrespectful. So if you know what respect is and I know what respect is, why don’t we exercise it towards each other? Tell the person you’ll get in touch with them tomorrow.
6)You know that I know that you got the body for any type of dresses; short, long, thick, whatever and although you get attention in all of them, the sophistication look suits you more. Wearing a short dress like that [say name] is just not you, you degrade your class of caliber…..
Being tactful may seem long but it is very, very effective. A person will see your point of view and if they don’t, they will like your point of view. If a person still decides to not listen, then still be tactful with your words, that is persistence.