Without security a relationship falls. Meeting each other to grow together will continue through communication. But to feel good and fulfilment in a relationship requires security. Without security or the reassurance of it, a man ejaculates quickly during sex and a woman feels used.
Security is important because it doesn’t get the mind wondering. Provided that a man and woman are still communicating and reassuring each other, the notion of either of them cheating decreases. There are 7 energy points (Chakras) in the human body and the first one is for security. If security isn’t there it can affect creativity which is the second energy point. This second energy point is for the sex organs and sexual performance. As stated before, if a man doesn’t feel secure with his woman he cums quickly.
The best thing a woman can say to her man in a relationship are things along the lines of “Baby, you got nothing to worry about, I’ll never leave you.” Before and during sex, “Take your time baby, I want this to, you don’t have to rush.”
The best thing that a man can say are along the lines of “I appreciate you and I will show you. I only got eyes for you.” Before and During sex, “Tell me how you like it, want to please you well.”
It is through security that the enjoyment (instead of the endurance) of a relationship can occur.
Most men feel insecure when other men check out, or make statements about their woman. A woman who is considered beautiful will get checked out by other men, this is fact but most men with these women get very insecure about it. They do take this out on the woman and stunt the growth of their relationship. It is all so stupid, especially when the man can leave at anytime. Nobody is forcing him to be with her but they can’t help themselves. Although stupid, it is understandable.
In the courses of miracles part three, verse 1, pg 40, states that perception must be straightened out before you can know anything. To know is to be certain. Uncertainty means that you do not know. Knowledge is power because it is certain, and certainty is strength. PERCEPTION IS TEMPORARY.
It goes on to say,
Misperceptons produce fear and true perceptions foster love, but neither brings certainty because ALL perception varies. THAT IS WHY IT IS NOT KNOWLEDGE. True perception is the basis for knowledge, but knowing is the AFFIRMATION of TRUTH and BEYOND ALL percepions.
This was put down to make everyone (especially men) understand that most insecurities stem from our messed up perception of things. Just because another man admires another man’s woman, it does not mean that the woman will not stay loyal to her man. It does not even mean they are having or going to have sex. Yet most men trip out. The next verse in the courses of miracles goes on to say (now pay very close attention to this);
ALL diffculties stem from the fact that you do not RECOGNIZE YOURSELF, your brother (add sister, girlfriend and family) or God. To recognize means to “know again”, implying that you knew before.
In other words base nothing on assumptions, perceptions but everything on facts. Check yourself before you ruin a good thing. Focus on yourself so that you contribute to the growth of the relationship, building security.
In the ‘Four Agreement’ by Don Miguel, pg 48 states:
Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about ‘me’.
It goes on to say:
NOTHING other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
That’s what most insecure men do. They impose their world on their woman, trying to make her a prisoner. The woman feels more like a hostage than a partner. Insecure men need to let their woman be, they should learn to trust their woman, if not completely, more. Men need to RELAX so they can trust, they need to be CALM so they can think (not assume). On pg 63, chapter four, it goes on to say:
We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we BELIEVE they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking- we take it personally- then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for PROBLEMS. We make an assumption, we MISUNDERSTAND, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for NOTHING.
In conclusion, insecurities is a problem and an obstacle with ourselves. Not our partner, family, friends or other people checking out our partner. It is with ourselves. Till we get rid of this poison within us, then our relationship will be nothing but beautiful and secure.
When other men check out another man’s woman it is validation that she is beautiful. It should not be answered with anger or fear but calmness and understanding. When such things happens a man should pay attention to how he feels to control it. He should perceive himself and not gain perception from outside. Gaining perception from outside will lead to nothing but assumptions which creates insecurities. Facts is what is required and this can be gained by trusting yourself to maintain control of self.